His & Her Diaries

From Carley...

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY

I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.

Hooked on Phonics

My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!' I took a deep breath, then asked...'What did you call it?' 'It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!' And so it does...



' A f r i c a n Elephant '
Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Rick-Roll'd

Steve was so kind as to send this to me.

Get Rick-Roll'd.

However, I do not recommend clicking on the link.

A Complex Question

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side >>> is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

-- Thanks Steve! --

Gun Prank on Wife

This is SO something my old neighbors Mats and Mark would have done.

Gun Prank of Wife.

OK - so i dont know how impressed i really am with this, but i just want the bird that keeps bobbing his head in the barrel on the right side next to the singer. i think he is adorable!!!

Werd.

From Matt...

Good Manners?

From my cousin Casey

Do you have what it takes to be a Wal-Mart Greeter?

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the Greeter. 'I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

Waffle House Wedding

Inspiration for all those planning a wedding. Thanks Meredith!!

Read about the wedding it was at waffle house.

View the slideshow!

Pet Star - Einstein

My Mom sent me this. I could not believe it. Very cool!

Amusing Cakes

Meredith sent this link... http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

I think the Olympic Rings is my favorite.

How the Fight Started

From Amanda...

Officer, this is how the fight started...
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was my fault. So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed... and life...sometimes life seems like...suddenly funny? Well the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF! He gets out of his car and I get out of my car.

He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close to me he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I looked down at him and I said, "Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you?" .... and that's when the fight started...