I wrote.

I wrote some "poetry" today. I don't know if I really liked it all that much. Maybe I am rusty. Maybe I just suck at writing. But, nevertheless it outlined how I feel right now, what I feel like I have gone through, and what I need to do.

All the stuff floating around in my head…preconceived notions of how life should be, what my life should be, what people expect of me. The past two years have really turned everything about my life upside down and I am thankful for it. I am in a better place and a better person. But what I have not figured out how to do is let go of all the "ways it should be" that sort of got me into the situation that sent my life into a barrel roll. I'm fortunate enough to have some things come easy for me, but more recently they have seemed to be a lot of work, and resulted in hurt feelings. If I can manage to get a fresh slate to start with I think it would be easier.

I know, "cry me a river."

Bits. Pieces. Ashes.

Inside feels like the millions of particles floating through the air as Willy Wonka sends the chocolate bar zipping across the room with Wonkavision.
Tiny colorful fragments zipping around, fast as lightning.
Vivid colors.

Just as the puzzle starts to come together BAM! Hands slam down on the card table and pieces go flying. Bits of picture showing. Lots of brown cardboard backing face up.
Disoriented and looking for the boxes cover.
Need direction.

Grass is so cold it feels damp. Knees tucked into chest. A last look at the picture and the sound of ignition. Breath makes clouds as the flame takes over.
Physical elimination to assist in healing.
Mentally ingrained.

Being a Fan, and Being Proud

I've been lazy about writing yesterday. In fact, so lazy that I have started a few pieces I thought were good and then just set them aside. But today, I thought I would take my lunch break and actually get something on the screen. It helps that I just finished reading an article on Yahoo! that made me think.

Group Pride Rooted in Insecurity

The headline alone was enough to interest me, and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend Shawn about politics. During our chat we talked about our country's spirit and the chanting of "U.S.A, U.S.A." – to me it is really no more than screaming out "Go Cocks" while watching a South Carolina football game, "U.S.C, U.S.C." Since then I've often mused about the concept of patriotism and being a fan of something, and based on this article – I guess other people are too.

When I cheer for South Carolina sports, or anything that The University happens to do it is often because I proud of the accomplishment we have achieved or action we have taken. Yes, there is a tone of it that is because in that given moment I want my group to be better than yours, but more often than not I will be the first to acknowledge our faults and I think it is being knowledgeable enough to know what those faults are that is probably the important part.

On the occasions I have rallied and chanted for our nation it has been because it was part of the moment, the rush, or the adrenaline of whatever happened to be going on. It was not because I was necessarily proud of anything. Because when I think about it – I don't know what I really have to be proud of these days. It isn't that we don't live in a fine country. I am extremely thankful for the opportunities and freedoms that I do have, but there is not anything I can specifically cite and be proud of.

We provide aid to other countries and achieve many noble things, but I feel as if it is overshadowed by declining economic status, poor international relations, and petty political debates. I am not proud that I do not wish to vote for either main candidate on November 4th. I am not proud that the people of Washington feel it is necessary to load down bills with fluff in order to get them passed. I am not proud of a whole lot. Do not confuse this with disrespect or lack of thankfulness for the things I do have because I am an American.

The presidential candidates are campaigning for "change," and they should – because our country does need change. If, when I think about my country, I do not have a positive image and feel as if I do not have a reason to root us on – then there is a problem. We do not need change for change's sake. We need to re-set and benchmark ourselves against a philosophy and set of principles that each of us can hold true and be proud of. Find a way for our nation to embrace a vision of being prosperous and righteous while exhibiting strong character.

I don't know how to get there, or what "there" really even is, but at least I am thinking. And for someone that is 26 and just starting to becoming politically minded – I think that's a pretty good start. There might not be much of a point to this piece, and you may not agree, but if you are at least thinking now – then that's a good thing. I will continue my quest for knowledge and along the way hopefully be able to more clearly articulate the chaos that storms between my ears. For now. Farewell.