Bye Bye Ace Man
I know I have not posted in awhile, but this stuff I just have to get out.
Ok, after typing that I had to stop. I have tried to revisit this post numerous times, but I always start crying and can't read the screen. So, I am sorry if my thoughts here are jumbled and don't make a lot of sense. It has been typed in small short spurts...
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Justin had physical therapy for his back this morning so that meant I got to sleep in a little. I was laying in the bed watching the Today show when I thought I heard my phone ringing. It was right around 8am. I went to get the phone. Turned out to be a voicemail from Dad. As he does often, he left a message that said, "This is Dad, I will try you back again a little later." This time was different though. I could tell in his voice. Something was wrong.
I immediately called Dad and he told me they were going to have to put Ace down today.
About a week and a half ago Ruffian kicked Ace really bad. He was not getting around well at all, and when it seemed to be getting better it just got worse again. The other day Mom said he was reluctant to eat. We had run though all the scenarios, bad brusing, hairline fracture, al sorts of things, but we really thought he would get better. I would be lying if putting him down had not crossed my mind, but I didn't think it would really come to that. Well, it has.
After talking to Dad I sat for a minute. I really wish Justin would have been at the house, but he wasn't I was all alone. I called to see if he had started his appointment yet, he had. After thinking for a few I called work - my heart was telling me that I needed to be in Florence, but my mind was teling me, "No Leslie, you don't want to be there" - I needed to let Hoke know that we would be late because of Justin's PT, but also that I might not be in at all. He understood.
On the phone, Dad told me that Mom had gone on to work. On a whim I decided to call her cell. She answered. Turns out she realized she needed to be there for Dad. I am glad she did that. He seems really strong, but I know this is really hurting him - it is hurting us all. I remember to a time back in 5th grade. We had a dog Kish, she was 18, Mom had gotten her right after she got out of college. It was time for Kish to go, I was oblivious to it, but Mom & Dad knew it was the right thing to do. I went to school one day, Mom went to work. After that I had a riding lesson. I reckon we even had Ruffian by then. When we got home Kish wasn't there. Mom called Dad, it had been done. Thing is that Dad couldn't do it him self. He got his friend, and then business partner to assist him in the trip to the vet. I knew then that he was softer than I thought.
Because of this story I have just recounted I knew that the right thing to do was for Mom to go be with Dad. Ace and Dad had a far better relationship that Dad & Ruffian.
I think we all had Ruffian pegged to go first. She is like 23 or 24 now, horses generally expire then. My real concern about that was how Ace would handle it. He is much more fond of her that she is of him (obviously since she kicked the bloody hell out of his leg a few weeks ago). You kow, when a dog or cat dies it is easy to carry them to the vet to be buried or dig a hole with a shovel in your back yard. Horses are just too big for that. You have to ship them off or bring in a backhoe.
So, Mom and I talked on the phone for nearly 10 or 15 minutes we cried, but did manage to talk about other things as well. I wanted to ask her to go by the store on the way home and pick up some watermellon. Ace loved watermellon - he was so funny when he would eat it too. Slobber was EVERYWHERE! I didn't ask her to do that though because I was afraid he would not want to eat it, and that would be really sad.
Justin got home around 9am and I told him. Through all my tears he thought I was telling him Gohan was dead. We headed on into work. I let my mind win and my heart loose. Luckily I had plenty to focus on at work, and had minimal crying fits. A little after 11 Ginny & Libby (Hoke's wife & daughter respectively) showed up. Ginny asked how things were going and I had a spell when I was telling her all about things. Towards the end of the story my phone rang.
It was Mom - Robbie (the vet) had just left. It had been done. She said it was tough, but not as bad as she thought it might be. After he went down Robbie did an examination and he said that his leg (where the wound was) should have kind of ben like wood when you knocked on it (solid bone), but it wasn't. He said when it pressed and knocked on it that it gave some and there was a grinind sound. Something was broken badly or shattered. That news helps because it gives validation that this was the right decision. He had probably started refusing food because of the pain. Mom let me know that the county was coming at 3:30 to get the burial taken care of, a free service - which is really nice.
I saw Mom online a little earlier and talked to her a bit. We talked about all sorts of things and then she had to go because the county was about to arrive. While talking she said Dad was not doing well, and I am sure he will be pissed when he reads this, but it is like I said. He appears hard and tough, but we all feel emoition, some of us are just lucky enough to appear strong.
A little after 3:30 I called the house and spoke to Mom. She said the county was finishing up. Dad was out there, but she was inside. We spoke briefly. It sounded like she was doing better. A bit later I called Dad. He was coming in from the barn when I caught him. Said the peopple had just left. He sounded better than I thought he might. We talked about a variety of things. Ruffian was being really lound in the background. She did not sound happy. It is hard not to resent her a little, but I really feel bad. Her companion is gone.
At one point on the today Mom said that they could get her a goat as a friend. Although, if she kicked that it would most surely die, but at least it would be cheap to replace. Apparently Grandma has suggested getting Llamas. Justin supports the idea of Alpacas. If I had to pick, alpacas would be cool.
I have vacation days saved up here at work. I think I might head to Florence and stay through the weekend. About to talk to Hoke & Scott about it now. We shall see.
So, this is has been the saga of today. The pain is not over for us, but the inital shock is waining. Although hard on us, the good thing is that the pain is over for Ace and he can rest now. We will remember him fondly.
posted by Leslie @ 9:52 AM
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