Good Fortunes

I've gotten a few good fortunes recently. The oddest of which was "An
alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly." The other three
were somewhat related…

-- A package of value will soon arrive.

-- Your fondest dream will come true within this year.

-- Your fortune is on its way.

Hmmm, perhaps something good will happen.  I guess my fondest dream
is really to be in a situation where I do not have to have a "real"
job and am able to pursue lots of different projects I am interested
in. (That dream is greatly enhanced by having someone I really care
about to experience it all with.) Conveniently, someone I am quite
fond of recently told me that if they were to win the powerball they
would give me the money to pursue one of my projects, and that I would
also be privilege to travel with them around the world. I guess that
means I would be rid of my 9-5 as well, so perhaps right now that is
my fondest dream, and if it happens to come true within the year – I
would be a very happy gal.

It's also interesting that I've been spending a lot of time lately
thinking about the project they mentioned. It's opening a gourmet
grilled cheese cafe. Something relatively small – maybe 10 tables.
Perhaps more – about the size of Immaculate Consumption in Columbia,
but more the feel of Café Strudel over by New Brookland Tavern. I've
been randomly taking notes and thinking of sandwich ideas for awhile
now, but recently it has been coming on strong. Maybe that is a sign.
Who knows.

Re: post

A New Year often brings a new outlook, and personally, the new year
really doesn't start until the first Monday of January. Maybe it is
the IT in me (our Fridays don't end until 07:59:59 on Monday morning).

So what is important to me in 2009?

- No Expectations -
For too long have I been focused on the "what ifs" and future plans. I
end up missing life as it goes by every day. I philosophy of no
expectations focuses on appreciating moments as they occur and
clearing my overly analytic mind. When he says, "I think I kind of dig
you," "I'll take you up there sometime so you can see it," or uses
"we" in a sentence I don't plan to dwell on what he really meant by
it. All that matters is the moment. Am I having a good time, do things
feel sincere, am I happy - comfortable, and most importantly - am I
being myself? It applies at work too. It's just easier to relate
examples to personal relationships.

Stepping out of my head will not only let me enjoy little things more,
but it will also hopefully free me to focus on the topics and issues
that are more tied to further honing and strengthening my core
philosophy and definition of self.

- Personal Relationships -
I've been in North Carolina for nearly 8 months right now and have met
tons of people, but developed few real friendships and relationships.
I simply have lots of acquaintances. What I have learned, and honestly
been quite surprised by, is that the people that I would have expected
to enjoy the most (on the surface) are often the sort of people I
really find to be fake and have little in common with. Individuals
that I am at first leery of, or feel as would have little to offer me,
are turning out to be the ones that are the most "real" and
interesting.

This ties into holding true to one's self. If I have fun in a smoky
honky tonk one night and wine bar the next, does that make me a
contradiction? If I enjoy going to the symphony, wearing clothes from
banana republic, and have an IT career does that make me too good to
eat at Hooters? The thing is that it doesn't really matter. It's about
doing whatever and having fun doing it. Not pretending to be something
you are not. I struggle with the perceptions people in my past life
have about who I am today, what we should all be, and what's proper.
And when it comes down to it - I really ought not care what anyone
really thinks (unless they happen to be someone that adds value to my
life knows me well enough to render and appropriate opinion).

- Self Betterment -
Like many others, I want to lose a few pounds - be more healthy, etc.
I started prior to the new year so really its just about continuing to
do better and make smart choices. The gym part is coming pretty easy.
Eating healthy? Not so much. Lately I have been getting corrupted by
people (but I haven't fought back very much), so self control - here I
come.

- Above All, Have Fun -
All of it really comes down to this. Have a good time and enjoy life.
Last year I lost the first person that was really close to me. Life is
too short. Value time with those you care about and value time with
yourself. Value who you are. And smile.

Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke

The other day I finished Ash Wednesday by Ethan Hawke. I bought the book last Christmas, but for some reason never picked it up to read. Two Christmases ago I read his book The Hottest State and really enjoyed it. I was not disappointed by Ash Wednesday either.

In the past, when I have read - it has been all about the story. I would often skim to just get the gist of what is going on and not really pay attention to the words that the author had selected. I am certain that my change in attitude is related to the fact that I do some writing myself now and I have a greater appreciate for what it takes to get things on paper. So now I take time - re-read passages and mark things that I enjoy.

What I really liked about The Hottest State and also about Ash Wednesday was the unbelievable true nature of the characters. In this latest read I found myself drawn to the characters because in many ways I relate to the internal struggles they are going through. (I expect many readers feel this way as well.)

Hawke chooses to give us insight into Jimmy and Christy in enough detail that allows you to intimately know them, but at the same time fill in and make them your own. I love their journey through the ups and downs of young love, family drama, and independence. It is a quest for truth and what really matters, what love is perceived to be versus what it truly is, and a refreshing honest look at what much of us deal with every day.

Some of my favorite lines....

Christy talking to Jimmy...
"The truth doesn't need us to protect it. All we have to do is live inside it and it will protect us, right?"

Gordon, a blind man, talking to Christy while they are riding a bus...
"Creation didn't happen. It's happening. Grace will come as you acknowledge how much of every instant is beyond your control. That is freedom. People in this country believe freedom is the ability to choose - I choose a Cadillac over Buick; I'm a Cadillac man; our only avenue to more choice is more money - but choice and money are not freedom. There is a right kind of dissatisfaction. There is a void within us that cannot be filled. This void is our need for God. You must search for and stay within that longing."

Christy talking to Jimmy in a diner...
"Look at me right now. I will never be this person again. When we walk out of here today - when tomorrow morning comes - I will be somebody else, not exactly the same as I am right now. Maybe that is all dying is."

From the same conversation...
"Do you honestly think that we two, here alone at this table, can make each other happy for the rest of our lives? Obviously no, right? I mean, let's face it. Let's look that in the eyes. But happiness is overrated. Nobody that is going to live for more than, like, a couple days is gonna be happy for the rest of their life. So let's forget happiness. The more interesting question is can we build a home together? It is possible? And what is home? Is there a place we can live that is permanent? This little baby in m belly is more at home than it will be for the entirety of its breathing life, and it isn't even born. It will spend virtually every evening, for hopefully the net ninety years, trying to feel as safe and warm in bed as it does right now inside its mama's belly."

Jimmy recounting how he prayed for the Knicks to win a game...
"I realized that prayers a left unanswered for a reason. And that reason is: We have no inkling of what is good for us."

Christy thinking about other stuff as Jimmy rambles on about basketball...
"If we could just love each other and live in truth as much as possible and not act out some idea of what a relationship is suppose to be. To not lie - at all. To be able to sit down, look each other in the eye, and speak out minds freely. To maintain a perspective on the other hand and not wholly judge him in context of yourself. I don't want somebody to stay with me just 'cause he promised to do so eighteen years ago or whatever. He should stay with me because he wants to, because he loves me and believes that being with me is what he needs most deeply. An awake, conscious life, that's all I really desired."

From the "Seven Rules for a Princess" that was given to Christy by her father...
"Hiding, shading, manipulating, or controlling the truth is a waste of everyone's time. The truth exists with or without our acknowledgment. If the truth is unclear, silence is often a useful tool."

Christy describing Jimmy to the Father that will be marrying them...
"He's the most emotionally strong person I've ever met. You can hang on him. He faces problem head on. He challenges me and listens to me. I've known him for a year and a half and I feel like I met him on Tuesday. Either that or maybe I've known him for ten thousand years, I can't tell which."

Jimmy thinking about Christy...
"Life ran hard in her; you could feel her pulse from ten paces. Fifteen people seemed to live inside that body."

Jimmy thinking about his relationship with Christy...
"Christy and I were giving each other the only thing we truly have to offer: our time. We were going to give each other the living minutes of our life. "

Jimmy describing his emotional reaction to reading scripture related to marriage...
"Its like a son, you know? You've forgotten about it, but then it comes on the radio and you still know all the lyrics and it makes you so happy that somewhere it's still being played, and now you can sing along, like you life isn't passing you by at a zillion fuckin' miles per hour."

Jimmy thinking...
"I like it when things break down. There's something about a flat tire, or a train getting stuck, or long weather delays at the airport - any time when the earth stops turning the way it's suppose to - that releases me. I am a child again, curious, confused, not knowing what will happen next. For a moment, a space, a breath,I'm not responsible. All I have to do is respond - until time catches up with itself, the tire is changes, the train starts rolling again, or the snow melts, and the weight of accountability is hoisted back up on my shoulders. Sometimes I wish for a tornado or a hurricane, even a war. Anything to stop the inertia for an instant. Being an adult, the awareness of opportunities that have been compromised, the stunted growth I feel in my bones, is simply exhausting. A disaster striking can be a relief - as long as it isn't your fault."

Pondering Office Depot's Expectation Setting

As I mentioned in the earlier post, my Mom and I went to Office Depot in search of laptops. They had quite a few specials we wanted to consider. Well, of course they were all sold out, but what really got me was the fact they had someone up at the front of the store collecting names and phone numbers of those individuals that were interested in getting the $397 HP laptop.

Of course I had to inquire as to what they were doing with the list. And what was I told? "well, we are already sold out, but other stores might have them and we are going to call around to try and get some more."

I about died. Seriously. It really got me that they were taking names. They would not even tell you when or if you would be able to get one. Fortunately I work in retail and consider myself a savvy and educated shopper, but so many people are clueless. They could easily be thinking that because they are on the list they will get one.

I just can't imagine who thought that was a good idea, or who told someone to do that. Go figure.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A Stuft Turkey

Thanksgiving 2008 has now come and gone. I had a really nice time
visiting with Mom & Dad, but it wasn't the same. I mean seriously,
somehow we missed having macaroni and cheese! If only it was that
easy.

My Dad's mom and his brother Rich came to eat with us, and we
certainly had plenty of food. Mom and I did some trial and error sort
of cooking with the cranberry salad and dressing that Grandma Alston
always made. When it was said and done with though, we got it pretty
close to right and I learned more about how to make the dishes along
the way. I almost lost it one time - right before we ate. I asked
Grandma Johnson to bless the food but she wouldn't. Mom ended up doing
it. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it without crying. Somehow I
managed to hold the tears back. Its amazing how the little things
catch you sometimes. Like in orchestra rehearsal last week - the
strings play a rendition of White Christmas that does not have a wind
part, so we just get to sit back and relax. Its a great break for my
chops, but it lets my mind wander and I was having to do a good acting
job of having something in my eye as I wiped away the tears.

With Christmas only 24 days away now I feel apprehensive about the
holiday and what it will be like this year. Uncle Chuck is suppose to
come visit, so I guess that will be something normal about the
holiday. That is generally the one time a year he makes it our
direction.

Mom and I braved the crowds Friday morning. We had our eyes on laptops
at Office Depot, but of course they were all done. Target was next on
the list. We ran into a friend of ours and stood talking for an hour I
think. But, we did get a bit of shopping done. Fitting everything in
the car on the way home was an interesting trick. I think the
highlight of Friday was French toast sticks at Shoney's. Uber tasty.

Saturday was nothing other than a disappointment in general, it was
rainy and the gamecocks lost. They didn't really even show up to the
play at all. Big bummer there. I really thought we should have won
that game. I was also a little sad about having to hit the road back
to Charlotte. Sitting around and playing Guitar Hero with Mom was much
more fun that returning home to an empty apartment and the promise of
the office bright and early on Monday morning (although today it was
raining still so it was a dreary and wet return to the office). That
evening I met up with a friend downtown to have a few drinks and watch
football, then I went on over to Tiki Beach and hung with Matt, Shawn,
and the rest. It was a good time. Too bad I can't say the same for
Sunday.

I woke up around 9:30 - was sort of milling about and then realized I
didn't really feel too well. I knew I had been drinking on an empty
stomach the night before (wasn't hungry considering I was a "stuft
turkey" from an entire weekend of gorging myself at the parent's
house). 7 hours later and at least 5 trips to the restroom my stomach
finally settled down. Oh, the joys of a day spent in the bed and on
the bathroom floor. Even this morning I still feel a little queasy,
but now it is becoming the battle of hunger vs. being ill. I can't
really differentiate the two. Sunday was made even worse by the fact
that A) I was so cruddy feeling I didn't get to watch much of the
packers game, and B) we lost to the Panthers. Again, I really thought
we should have one that game. From what I did catch of the game it
seemed as if the Packers at least showed up to play, which is more
than the cocks did Saturday. We would have won if Delhome wouldn't
have completed a bomb pass down to Steve smith in the 4th quarter.
DeAngelo Williams did put up a big 38.60 on my fantasy team though.
Can't complain about that. This week's match-up (against my dad) is
already wrapped up. I have 153.54 and he has 132.82. I still have
Andre Johnson and Maurice J-D left to play tonight too. Securely in
second place for the playoff I have a bye next week - and then I just
gotta hope my boys keep it up. Scot is going to be 12-0 going into it
and has scores 1890 pts this season while I only have 1796. Just gotta
keep my fingers crossed.

Well, another lunch break wasted. I've been working on eating Wild
Mushroom Bisque. I think it is going to stay down.

So long for now.

Kitty Khronicles: Week 3/4

Week 3 brought the introduction of the laser pointer. He also started
running "laps" if you will. Every cat I have had has loved laser
pointers, and Sebastian is no different. He gets going up and down the
hall at lightening pace. Separate from the laser pointer though - he
has taken to staring in the laundry room and running the u-shaped
pattern that is the apartment. As he makes the turn through the dining
room he sort of roars/hollers/or something. I must say, it is quite
amusing. He keeps himself very well entertained most of the time. I
love watching him prance around the apartment carrying a toy mouse by
the tail.

I feel a little bad sometimes, because from an everyday perspective I
find myself only telling stories about he attacks me, or jumps up in
my lap while I am drinking a bottle of juice and then it shoots out of
the bottle and gets all over the place. But, really - he is a very
good cat.

In general I can say that Sebastian is doing well, and he survived the
three hour car ride to Florence and back for Thanksgiving. In fact, he
was no trouble at all. He went right into the carrier and slept
peacefully the entire way. Did not make a single peep. :-) While in
Florence he quickly made himself at home and was thoroughly intrigued
by the wire cat toy that my parents have. I think my grandma got it
back when I was in middle school or something and we have had it ever
since. It is nothing more than a wire about 2.5 feet long that has
cardboard rolls at either end and then it is threaded with 5 - 7 more
rolls that move up and down the wire. The tension of the wire really
makes it seem like a bug flying around or something. He loved when we
would hold it and play with it, but he also was perfectly content
playing by himself.

Ahh, and speaking of playing - he played guitar hero with mom too. She
was sitting in the recliner and he kept jumping up and putting his
paws on the guitar, sometimes even working the whammy bar for her - it
was quite amusing.

I was a little worried about how he would adjust to coming back home
after the 4 days in Florence - but it was a breeze. He went right to
the turbo scratcher and then hollered for some food. Sunday was an
interesting day though. I woke up and had some sort of stomach bug
that had me hugging the porcelain throne most of the day. He was
actually quite sweet and just laid on the bed most of the time, not
bothering me. I guess it was about 6:30 when I finally got to the
point I was going to eat something. Coke and saltines seemed like it
was the best bet. Since the crackers were in a plastic sleeve he
wanted to play because of the sound it made - but we got over that
after one swat on the fanny. Then he just kept wanting to sit on my
chest - which made it difficult to eat and drink. I had just put a
cracker in my mouth when he hopped up on my chest again. In mid-chew
and holding the crackers with my lips, trying to tell him to get down,
and then taking both hands to move him - the little bugger stole the
cracker right out of my mouth. I couldn't believe it. Once he got hold
of it there was no me moving him cause he darted away and I heard him
snacking on it down under the bed. Completely blew my mind with that
one. Little thief.

This week I am going to start working on making Christmas cards. That
should be very interesting considering it involved stamping, etc. I
have a feeling he is going to end up with silver ink on him somewhere.
This weekend I am looking forward to how he will react to the
Christmas tree. Should be interesting to say the least. Or, he could
surprise me - who knows.

Snooty Wafflehump

My mom brightened my day with this forward earlier. Her Subject line
was "Boobie Potty-Shorts" The idea was that you followed the
instructions and then sent back to the person that sent it to you and
forwarded to your entire address book with your new "name" as the
subject line. I prefer blogging. Feel free to comment back with your
new name.

As I understand, this is an excerpt from a children's book, Captain
Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey,
in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

So:-

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your surname to determine the first half
of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdl e

3. Use the third letter of your surname to determine the second half
of your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults
laugh an average of 4 times a day.

Its Only Tuesday

But I should rejoice because I guess that means tomorrow is like
Thursday, and at least I am fortunate enough to be able to say that.
However, considering I am in a "Its Only Tuesday" sort of mood, the
idea of being here until 6:00 today is less than comforting.

The day has been so long I seriously just had someone ask me, "So,
what did you do last night?" And after I responded they went, "Oh
yeah, you told me this morning." The day has been that long.

I attribute the excessive lengthiness of the day to one of my most
favorite 5-syllable words...

T R A C E A B I L I T Y

Isn't it beautiful?

I shall take solace in a wine tasting and dinner plans with the guys
from our Agency. They are in town for what I imagine will be one of
the last times. It will be nice to visit and converse with them. I
have had the pleasure to talk with Sean several times, but rarely
Eric.

I also seem to be stupid hungry today. I think it started with me
getting a late start this morning (alarm didn't go off), thus I did
not really have breakfast. Just a glass of juice and a piece of toast
with apple butter. I have spoiled myself with protein in the morning.
It really does make a difference. I also missed out on coffee. My
sesame chicken lean cuisine lunch was less than filling and since then
I have probably eaten 10 peppermints, a 100 cal pack of reeces snacks,
and a 100 cal pack of lays crackers. I want cheese and meat. I am
hungry.

Food - Bleh.

But, my M&P traceability matrix is to the BSD level - I need to finish
it. I can knock it out today, but I am being lazy...and this has only
managed to occupy 5 minutes.

Tick tock, Tick tock.

Kitty Khronicles: Week 2

King Sebastian had a pretty average week. The new comforter I got has
proven to of great interest to him though. He likes to randomly attack
it. I think it has to do with the sound it makes. (His eyes happen to
match the bedspread too - which is neat.) The new cotton is sort of
crunchy - I guess that is how to explain it. He also he likes to be
under the covers, which is really annoying - more often than not he is
kicked out of the room when it is time to go to bed.

The big find for the week was a laser pointer. I got it last night. I
was sort of annoyed with all of his playfulness and needed a way to
tire him out. Man - he goes, and goes, and goes...like a little
energizer kitty.

I also got a spray bottle to start deterring some behaviors. I don't
know how well it is going to work though. When I squirt him he stops
what he is doing, but just long enough to look around and see what the
deal is. Then he goes back to it. I am not sure he dislikes water so
much. Time will tell.

He really is a sweet cat though. More often than not he just wants to
be next to me, and is very good at napping on the sofa. If only we can
get bedtime straightened out..

A "Meh" Sort of Day

OK - the Coldplay concert Tuesday rocked (more will come on that
later). Problem was that I got caught up doing some stuff for work +
felt like total crap that day so I got down there later than I wanted
to. In fact, I stopped and took a nap at a rest area for about an hour
because I felt so crummy. The show got over around 10:30, so I was on
the road heading home by 11:30 and including one 15 min stop to get
fuel and late night munchies, I made it to my bed at around 2:30. Poor
kitty though, he was very excited for me to be home, but I immediately
locked him out of the bedroom so I could go to sleep.

Yesterday at work was miserable, yet productive. I felt like poo and
was exhausted but managed to make a ton of progress on my BSD. That
included reading all 122 pages of it from front to back in order to
really identify all the open questions. I am down to 5 that need to be
addressed and then we should be ready to submit. The goal is to do
that tomorrow.

After work I was itching to get some sleep and not super hungry, but
guessed I would be later. I opted to roll into the restaurant to visit
for a few and grab some takeout. Got home about 6:30 and slept a
little over an hour but was not hungry. So, I played a bit of guitar
hero and watched some episodes of CSI and Mythbusters, made myself
drink a cup of broth and eat some crackers then I went to bed at 10.
At 5:$5 I turned the alarm off to get up, but then it was suddenly
7am. Eek. Made it to work at 7:30 though.

Honestly, 6pm cannot get here soon enough cause I want to go straight
home and go to sleep again. I didn't really recognize myself in the
mirror this morning. I look terrible. For lunch I went and had miso
soup and sushi with a friend from work - it was good to visit - we had
not seen each other in several weeks. I think the soup might have made
me feel a little better, so that's good.

Suppose to have a big weekend going on - I need to get to feeling
better so I can live it up.